Self-Discipline: Psychology x Spirituality
What truly enabled my self-discipline and how the skill later became an important component of my spiritual evolution.
During certain spiritual practices (anushthana), it is often advised to take a resolve (sankalpa) to perform the practice daily at the same time and place for a set number of days. This not only disciplines the mind but also amplifies the power of the practice (sadhana). However, consistently showing up and following a strict schedule demands intense self-discipline and dedication.
In the past, whenever I committed to deepening my spiritual practices, the discipline part came naturally. In fact, I even found pleasure in adhering to the restrictions and rules. However, for many, it is not as delightful.
This made me wonder what truly enabled my self-discipline and how the skill later became an important component of my spiritual evolution.
Parents and their parents, and perhaps their parents…
The Dunedin Study, an impressive 40-year-long research project involving over a thousand people in—you guessed it—Dunedin, New Zealand, explored how “childhood self-discipline predicts adult quality of life.”
The study's key finding was that poor self-control in childhood leads to worse socioeconomic and health outcomes in adulthood compared to those with much higher discipline early on. [Similar findings were also revealed in the classic Stanford Marshmallow Experiment.]
However, these results weren't exactly what stole the spotlight for me.
What I found truly fascinating was how the researchers not only tracked the participants from childhood to adulthood but also looked into how their level of self-control influenced their own kids down the line.
Intriguingly, the study revealed an intergenerational cycle: low self-control in one generation leads to disadvantages in the next. This often occurs because parents struggling with self-control might be unable to provide their children with the financial stability and guidance to thrive.
The insight is profound.
Moreover, observational learning is an undeniable force. Social theorists describe this as imitation, where children learn by closely watching and mimicking the behaviours of their role models, especially their parents.
It's hard to ignore the fact that a parent's ability to manage themselves strongly influences how that skill develops in their child.
Adding another layer to this point, the type of parenting style a child experiences undeniably plays a role in shaping their self-control. As I see it, parenting styles can later either amplify or diminish the effectiveness of observational learning
In my experience,
Growing up, I observed how important discipline and punctuality were for my parents and grandparents. For any event, everything had to be prepared before the scheduled time.
My siblings and I operated in a similar environment, yet we turned out to be vastly different. I, for one, became the family's resident disciplinarian, while my younger brother is a relatively free spirit, and my elder sister falls somewhere in between.
All three of us observed the same elders and how they functioned, but the parenting style was vastly different for each of us, which somehow led us to fall across the spectrum of self-discipline.
The intensity of discipline might vary among us, however, the tiny seed of it sown by previous generations lies within. It becomes apparent when we interact with others who, for some reason, often seem less disciplined and punctual.
The previous research findings made sense in my instance.
Less is known about what motivates a child to practice self-control. A small study found that focusing on self-enhancement and the desire for a greater reward later tends to be a motivating factor.
A reward might be more sweets or appreciation from authority figures, but regardless, through these small steps towards strengthening self-control, a child gradually learns to manage their 'present impulses.' This is exactly what delayed gratification is all about.
It is no wonder that Freud viewed the ability to delay the gratification of impulsive urges ("to put up with a little unpleasure") as a core challenge in childhood development.
Efforts for now, fruits for later…
Over time, I became increasingly disciplined, and only now, as I actively pursue this spiritual journey, do I realise how beneficial that conditioning has been for me.
Habits instilled in me as a child are now paying dividends in my adult pursuits.
We typically associate delayed gratification with potential worldly benefits. Allow me to share my insights on how this seemingly 'material' concept supports spiritual development.
A spiritual journey is an endless pursuit until you realize the paradox of it: there is nothing to pursue and nothing to seek. However, for a seeker, the efforts must remain consistent in the same direction, as there’s no set time for when one realizes their Truth. So, what truly helps in staying consistent and persistent amid such uncertainties? You know it.
To tread an unknown path without knowing what lies ahead, how much time and energy it will take, or what the outcome will be, are inevitable question marks for a spiritual seeker. With no attachments and only firm hope and faith, every step forward becomes a testament to delayed gratification. The strong subconscious belief that a greater reward—for the lack of a better word—awaits at the end keeps us on the journey.
On this spiritual path, I've come to understand the importance of letting go. We accumulate so much baggage—afflictions, layers of ego—and true progress requires self-purification. This involves understanding and doing the right thing. We course-correct through fallacies, using our discriminating knowledge to choose what helps us progress and avoid burdens that weigh us down.
A strong moral compass, nurtured through self-discipline, allows us to receive feedback and approach situations objectively, rather than letting our false ego get offended by challenges. This creates space for considering others' perspectives. The quicker we embrace self-purification, the faster we can evolve.
A few paragraphs back, I wrote about how a child learns to control their 'present impulses' through self-control. With a special emphasis on the word ‘present,’ the realization of the momentary nature of these impulses dawns on us over time. If one is mindful, one will notice how previous impulses faded away with time and how no matter how overwhelming the current impulse is—this too shall pass. This awareness leads to the understanding of impermanence.
It's not about suppressing the impulses but balancing them. A gradual development of self-control, paired with awareness from a young age, provides significant support in managing these impulses.
Discipline brings order and structure. We become accustomed to most of our actions and day-to-day activities; in fact, this helps immensely with conserving mental energy that would otherwise be spent on mundane tasks. A good meditator realises how much mental energy is needed for a focused session.
Understanding the importance of discipline in childhood makes it much easier to establish order in adulthood and allocate energy where it is most needed viz. spiritual practices. Over time, we also become aware of our weaknesses and develop strategies to stay on track.
And lastly, although it may differ for everyone, for me, there’s been a sense of trust and faith in a higher authority—in childhood, my parents—that they would continue guiding me in the right direction. In adulthood, this same sense of unwavering faith developed for the eternal divine, the universe, or the supreme, trusting that the higher power would steer me in the right direction.
I might feel disappointed that I didn't get what I wanted, but I now understand it's for the best. The act of surrender is extremely powerful, and there's no better way I could have internalised it.
I see how the small habit of self-discipline instilled in me as a child has blossomed into something much greater.
Retrospection becomes a thrilling game of connecting the dots. In just a single moment, you realise the depth of things—the whys and hows—and recognise that it has always been the best path for us.
With no timeline in mind, I’ll continue putting efforts for now, fruits will come when the the time is right.
As I conclude this write-up, I am filled with immense gratitude for every being and object that shaped my personality. If you’ve read this far, thank you for your time. I offer my humble obeisances to the divine in you, whose grace led you to this write-up.